From East to West

I am in a unique position with my ties to both hemispheres to be privy to rhetoric coming from both the East and the West.  So as I become increasingly aware of discriminatory expressions of unfriendliness on each side, I wanted to offer three encouragements to consider when presented with the opportunity to interact with someone from another continent. Separate People from Politics None of us had a choice as to what our country of origin would be and which kind of political arrangement we would be born into.  And there are thoughtful individuals in each culture who are very much aware of both the strengths and the weaknesses of their country’s particular ideology and system of governance. But when it comes down to it, the majority of people will naturally side with the side which both their livelihood and legacy are (for the most part) fatalistically linked to.   In other words, unless you are upwardly and internationally mobile, when your country wins, ...

Today I will wrap up my thoughts for now on the principle of reciprocity.  As I’ve already mentioned, sharing what you have with others is much more than just a one-time transaction.  It is an investment both in the present and in your shared future with the people you may very well come to depend on.  In fact, I would describe this practice of habitual giving as a pathway to the following three things. Reciprocity is a pathway to success The self-made man is for the most part a foreign concept in Chinese society.  And though their are many rags-to-riches stories in China, few would attribute their successes solely to their own efforts.  At every turn, there are gatekeepers with whom you must build rapport.   There are relatives, colleagues, investors, and officials with whom you must build a solid reciprocal relationship. And your network is much more than just a collection of favors that you will call in one day.  They become your pe...

During our first year or two of living in China, we had a hilariously awkward experience with the principle of reciprocity.  This principle is beautifully expressed in the Chinese phrase Li Shang Wang Lai ( 礼尚往来 ) .  A rough translation is that “a gift given comes back.”  Our landlord at the time introduced us to a friend of hers who was eager to connect with “foreign friends” (as we are often called there Wai Guo Peng You 外国朋友 ).   She asked us to suggest a restaurant we liked.  We were new in town and lived within a small radius of shops and restaurants we were comfortable with.  So we suggested a budget-friendly  eatery around the corner and settled in to meet this new friend.  What we didn’t know was that he was quite well off and likely embarrassed to eat in a place like this.  But he played his part well and insisted on buying us everything we liked to eat.  Within a few days, what we can to affectionately call the “flur...

Shortly after our arrival in China, we were quite literally overwhelmed at the overt displays of kindness and generosity to our children.  More times than I could count, we would be in a local shop where our children would express interest in either a toy or a snack.  The kindly shopkeeper would then insist that our children had to have this item free of charge.  And no amount of protesting or offers of cash would dissuade them.  It had to be a gift! We didn’t want to be rude, so we coached our children to politely decline a gift at least three times before accepting.  We had been told a sincere gift-giver would persist, whereas someone who was just being polite would not insist more than twice.  It is a fascinating cultural dance that we have engaged in many times since.   We have chuckled watching people have a good-natured tussle over the bill after a meal.  I have also watching my wife forcefully place a well-earned bonus into the po...

During our first few years in China, my wife witnessed something beautiful and instructive while taking a walk one day.  She noticed a small child strolling with her mother while clutching a ripe piece of fruit.  Within a few moments, this child happened upon a neighbor’s child approaching from the other direction. The mother gently prodded her child to share the piece of fruit from her own hand with the approaching toddler.  Gracy found this interesting since the mother clearly had a bag full of the sweet fruit over her shoulder.  She could have easily provided some fruit for the child herself.  Instead, she insisted over her child’s silent protests that the fruit in her own hand must be what was given. We knew instinctively Gracy had witnessed something very important.  And though we didn’t fully understand it at the time, what she had stumbled upon that day was something deeply embedded in Chinese culture that Western friends like ourselves ...

My boss Qi is pictured to my right My first job in China was with a coffee trading company based in Yunnan Province (SW China).  I was hired to be a Sustainability Manager.  I and my assistant were charged to hire and lead a team to help certify the growing, environmental, and labor practices of local coffee farmers against internationally-recognized codes of conduct such as UTZ Certified and The Rainforest Alliance. My boss was a gentleman from Shanghai who had spent ten years abroad and was fluent in English.  I watched as he molded a rowdy group of young singles and into a team.   He made sure that different departments ate together, played together, and even got involved in each other’s work when special projects or circumstances made it appropriate.   The ethos he created in our workplace was very much like family.  And as I have learned since, this is not uncommon in Chinese places of business.  Each individual is willing to put th...