What's Mine is ... Yours?

Shortly after our arrival in China, we were quite literally overwhelmed at the overt displays of kindness and generosity to our children.  More times than I could count, we would be in a local shop where our children would express interest in either a toy or a snack.  The kindly shopkeeper would then insist that our children had to have this item free of charge.  And no amount of protesting or offers of cash would dissuade them.  It had to be a gift!

We didn’t want to be rude, so we coached our children to politely decline a gift at least three times before accepting.  We had been told a sincere gift-giver would persist, whereas someone who was just being polite would not insist more than twice.  It is a fascinating cultural dance that we have engaged in many times since.  We have chuckled watching people have a good-natured tussle over the bill after a meal.  I have also watching my wife forcefully place a well-earned bonus into the pocket of a cleaner who appealed loudly that it was not necessary!

Where I come from, what’s yours is yours and what’s mine is mine. Being clear on those boundaries is the basis for friendly cooperation and partnership.  But in Asia, my friends seem to believe that what they possess is meant to be shared.  It is meant to be shared in such a way that will bring benefits in both the short and especially in the long-term.  And it is so much more than transactional (like a downpayment on a future favor).  It is a way of life where generosity is a fundamental pillar of a harmonious and prosperous society.  

I have even seen generosity defuse a tense situation.  A number of years ago, my friend’s nephew was struck by a motor bike and was injured.  The teenage boy who was driving was being detained by my friend’s family and everyone was getting agitated.  My friend's father quickly purchased a carton of cigarettes from a nearby shop owner and immediately began distributing smokes to each male present - whether they smoked or not.  This gesture of generosity helped everyone to calm down so they could begin to discuss terms in order to resolve this incident.  

We have been to a number of different places in China; from big city to countryside.  And wherever we have gone, this sense of “what’s mine is yours” seems to be pervasive.